Advice For Men Dating A Single Mother - 5 Important Tips
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There are pro’s and con’s for men dating single moms as well as things you must and must not do. The following tips should help clear up some misconceptions and provide some great advice for dating single moms.
To begin, let me just say, moms have wonderful qualities other women may not have yet developed. For example; caring for a child requires sacrifice, patience, tolerance, responsibility, kindness and frequent forgiveness. In a world filled with selfishness, super-high expectations and sheer spoiled bratness, what man would not want a woman with a more refined character, which often comes with the difficult job of motherhood? Let’s review some common concerns.
First. Is a single mother looking to find a father for her kids and trying to marry as soon as possible? Yes and no. Most all women and men eventually want to get married and have a family. Right? Notice I did say most. Single moms are no different. Just like any other woman, they are looking to date, enjoy themselves, fall in love with a great guy and eventually find that one person with whom to share their life. In some cases, for a single mom it becomes less urgent because they are more cautious mostly due to what they’ve already been through.
Second. When should I meet her kids? What should I say to them? What if I don’t want to meet her kids just yet? If you have gone out on 3 or more dates and you think this could turn into something more serious then it could be a good time to meet her kids. It’s important at first to introduce yourself as mom’s friend. Also, not to show any type of physical affection around the kids. Let them get to know you as a friend of mom’s and not as a potential dad. This is key because; the relationship may not work out with their mom. They shouldn’t have the pressure to feel like they “have” to like you. If they do like you right off the bat, they don’t need to get their hopes up that you’ll be their new dad.
You will know when it’s ok to start spending more time with her and her kids together and when it’s ok to be affectionate and be their mom’s boyfriend. If you think it’s too early to meet her kids, then be upfront and say something like, “I like you or I like spending time with you and I’d like to meet your kids soon; hopefully you and I will work out but if we don’t…I’d hate to upset your kids.” This will show you care and should also make sense to her. If you don’t want to meet her kids because you never intend on becoming serious, then either don’t date her in the first place or end it. That goes more for dating a single mom than any other woman.
Third. Isn't it more difficult to date when a woman has to find a babysitter for most everything? Yes, but there’s a good side. Since it is a little harder for a single mom to go out, you know she’s probably not going out every night of the week, partying, dating several guys and she’s probably more grounded and less flighty. Again, more attractive qualities, right? Just remember though, if you’ve asked her out, chances are she’s done a lot to prepare. Not only in finding a babysitter, but extra time to get her child/children ready for the babysitter, make dinner, find them an activity to keep them happy, etc., not to mention paying the sitter. So, It’s definitely not cool to cancel last minute.
Fourth. Is a single mom looking for someone to provide an income? The answer to this is again, yes and no. Every woman wants a man who has a good job. Why? It’s an attractive quality for a man to be responsible in life and be able to provide for himself and someday, a family. In most cases a single mom is already getting by with child support or her own job or two. I’m sure there are some materialistic women who look solely for a wealthy man; however, you’ll find it’s not limited to the world of single moms.
Fifth. Will her children come before me? The love for a child is far different than the love for a boyfriend, so there never needs to be these type of feelings. Although the way she juggles kids/dating will definitely vary depending on the mom. In time, if you take the opportunities to get to know her child/children and honestly care about them, you will benefit in two ways. I can’t think of anything more alluring to a mom than to find a guy she likes who shows kindness, care and concern for her kids. This being said, her children being put first will be a non issue. Also, the influence you can have in a child’s life can be one of the most rewarding experiences for everyone involved.
To summarize, a single mother’s most important goal is not to find a father figure or a second income but to find a man who is an all around great guy who more than anything, loves her and in time, cares for her kids. Remember too, if you decide to rule out single mothers altogether from your dating circle you could be missing out on some of the most compassionate, kind, loving women, not to mention, possibly finding the love of your life!
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